Bad Queers

Come Out, Come Out if you're Famous - Episode 2

April 29, 2020 Shana & Kris Season 1 Episode 2
Bad Queers
Come Out, Come Out if you're Famous - Episode 2
Show Notes Transcript

You get a coming out story, and you get a coming out story! Three celebrities came out this week, the LGBTQIABCDE... is too much for some people and Flame Monroe isn't that bad after all in this episode of Bad Queers.

Bad Queers is co-hosted by:
Shana Sumers: @shanahasagram
Kris Chesson: @kris.chess

Let's keep in touch:
Email us for advice at badqueerspod@gmail.com
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The opinions expressed during this podcast are conversational in nature and expressed only for comedic purposes. Not all of the facts will be correct but we attempt to be as accurate as possible. BQ Media LLC, the hosts, nor any guest host(s) hold no liability over the conversations on this podcast and by using this podcast you understand that it is solely for entertainment purposes.

Copyright Disclaimer: Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purpo...

spk_1:   0:07
This is Shana, and this is Kris, and we are bad queers. If you came out of the closet and got put in a box of stereotypes you don't belong to, welcome to the Bad Queers Club.  Hahaha, the Bad Queers Club, yes. 

spk_0:   0:23
I just want people to be like, Bad Queers Club, yea! This is it.

spk_1:   0:25
That would be a funny show. They should move from Bad Girls Club. They probably already have, but to a bad queers club, it'll just be funny. It would be like obviously a Shane, destructive character, probably a straight or bi tease in there, no offense anybody. It would just be great reality TV. So that's a free idea for anybody. But - and bring us on as

spk_0:   0:43
hosts. Bring us on as hosts if you take that idea.playing us on Bring us on. So this week in Queer Urban Dictionary, my term is breeders. I'm bringing this up because I use it a lot in our first episode and excuse me for not definding? definding.  Defining breeders. Breeders is another name for straight people. They are breeders because they reproduce, sometimes rapidly, using it in a sentence. These breeders have some fucking nerve keeping us from getting married when they don't have their shit together. Breeders. Wow. Shana, what's your term? Wow, I appreciate that you even

spk_0:   1:22
just read that off like you were at a spelling

spk_1:   1:24
bee. Yeah, I know you like readers. This is what they have the nerve to fucking do. Breeding. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. I live this week's Queer Urban Dictionary. I have T d o V The acronym or the strands for Transgender Day of Visibility. This is an international

spk_0:   1:43
observance to celebrate transgender people around the globe and raise awareness of the challenges that they face. C gov just recently happened, and it was a wonderful day, even though we couldn't celebrate it as we normally would do to the quarantine. It's just something to actively represent and celebrate the trans community because they deserve it. And so used in a sentence on T d o V. My friend came out as trans masculine. And while I didn't know the meeting, I took the time to educate myself so I could better understand and support them.

spk_1:   2:17
Chris, did you learn anything new this week off of our definitions? Ah, yeah, Tito Tito. That's still relatively new

spk_0:   2:23
for me. And I'm just glad that we do have a day's specific to our trans

spk_1:   2:28
fam and Yeah. Now Trance are Tito of is ah is new for me? Yes, When you first said

spk_0:   2:36
breeders, I definitely had to stop and think about what that actually meant and put it together when you kept repeating it last week. And so now we all know

spk_1:   2:45
it will be used a lot. I mean, it's just it's easier. It's accurate. Um, yeah, it's easy and it's accurate, right? It's time to transition over to

spk_0:   2:58
hear about the stories we don't get to hear. It's clear news time, Chris, what do you have for us this

spk_1:   3:02
week? So this week, and this actually happened a couple weeks back. But I am excited and happy that Brad has confirmed her sexuality and has introduced her relationship with Jessica Depart, probably saying her name wrong. But, um, the younger me would have loved to see De Brett come out in her prime and in the nineties. But her explanation of why she didn't or couldn't is a reminder that we're living in different times and that, but disclosing your sexuality is still a big struggle in the black community and just other communities of color. She outlined how misogyny and homophobia created a culture where coming out was career suicide. For black women to hip hop definitely was, um, quote do, Brad said. I never confirmed anything in the nineties because it wasn't cool. Back in the day, she said, I'm a little nervous because I'm not really used to talking about this thing because I'm not a public person when it comes to my personal life. You know, I I appreciate that, like as a person who would have loved for her to come out because I knew as a young U that brat was definitely family. Her between Miss Eaves, we all these things you see growing, you felt like Yeah, well, please like because it was already enough of a struggle and just representations severely and will always matter. But it's the reality is yet that that would have been career suicide for, um and, you know, better late than never. So she went on to say about her new blue Jessica, who was clearly worth taking this risk or leap for not risk leap for. In current times, she says, Brad says, like Jill Scott says, she loves me from my hair follicles down to my toenails. You've been a quote, huh? Yeah, right. You know, You know she's in love. Young sprinters, knee. She believes in me. She motivates me. She accepts me for who I am. My past, my faults, my mistakes. We could talk about anything and everything. There's nothing thing I can't talk about with her. It's just amazing. So congrats to the brat like I am Teoh. It took a while. I am just glad that she's happy and healthy and that she is in love like this because I need those. If you're quoting Jill Scott than you, that's it you are in. That's

spk_0:   5:30
that forever. Love. If you're quoting Jill Scott

spk_1:   5:32
Yeah, and shut out to her partner Jessica Do Part, who actually has a, um, health and beauty line called, I believe Kaleidoscope, um, cosmetics. I look at that just to make sure, but she's a force in her own right. So she's definitely a a queer woman of color. That is Ah, definitely out there moving and shaking and is, you know, on her own right, just someone that is notable and has seen success. So it's good that these two people could get together and find love and Yeah, and share that with the world, you know? So it's just always great to see that kaleidoscope hair products is actually what, uh, her her girlfriend, Jessica is CEO of so, which I hear is actually pretty successful, so good for them and, you know, good for queer love especially Congrats to the brat. Do you have something, man? I just A It's a throwback way. Knew she was. It's just good to be Oh, just say it out loud, I guess. Bracker say it. Thank you. On the flip side of the positivity,

spk_0:   6:42
we had a big loss in the career community this week. Phyllis, we own incomparable lesbian civil rights activists has died at the age of 95. So this may or may not have been a person that you would have heard of, especially if you live outside of the San Frisco Bay area. Ah, she was a big part of every step that we have been able to move forward in terms of human rights and LGBT Q Plus rights. Phyllis and her wife were officially married in 2008 a few weeks after her wife passed away at the age of 87. And so these two have just a history of being activist, and they kept it busy mainly in a publication area. So there's so much more that I would want to review of the amazing things that they have done and that they've been a part of what? I'm just gonna kind of give some of the highlights so they co founded and I'm gonna. But you're a lot of these pronunciations, so I apologize. Bad queer on me. They co founded the daughters of Politis in 1955 which was the first lesbian civil rights organization in the U. S. The couple also began publishing the ladder, the first monthly lesbian publication in the US and direct ancestor of the publication you are currently reading, which is auto straddle, which is where I got this information from and after the shuttering of the latter. In 1972 the couple published the book Lesbian Slash Woman, a seminal print work on the meaning of lesbian womanhood that was life changing for a generation. The city of San Francisco mourn for Phyllis as Thies to fulfill its and her wife were a part of multiple major decisions in regards to LGBT Q plus equality. And we absolutely want to pay our respects to them and their family. We have lost an amazing icon, and we appreciate her and her wife for the history of all things that they have done. And if you don't know about her, I highly suggest that after listening to this podcast, look her up, look her wife up, see what they've done, learned about them and see the history making changes that they were a part of.

spk_1:   8:53
Yeah, you know, prayers to the family. We lost an icon. One of my favorite playwright, Lorraine Hansberry. Actually. Ah, a couple years ago, they uncovered her letters to the ladder basically confirming her her sexuality and all that. So it's just, you know, prayers for the family. But, you know, we we were blessed enough to have somebody like, you know, Phyllis on this earth and paving the way for us. So yeah, Great. Great, great story are not great story. But you know what I mean. Yes, I think this is the highlight. Doing things right? Exactly. Exactly. And she lived a full life, like I mean 95 you know? You know the blessings for that. So my other story is actually out of, ah from them dot com Great queer site if you've never been on there. But Joe exotic is not your gay icon. Say it again. Say it again. No exotic, not gay. I come, please link it. Um, at this point in quarantine, most of us have viewed Tiger King, which is Netflix's newest documentary that is almost too crazy to believe. It is fantastically trashy and fun to watch. Joe Exotic stole the show with his actual larger than life persona, fearlessly open about his sexuality while living in a staunchly Republican area. He lives in Oklahoma, and you know, it's if you haven't seen Tiger King. You're living under a rock in your house because you're not supposed to be out. But, um, this is, you know, and he's very entertaining. All of those people on that documentary are absolutely crazy, but Joe Exotic has emerged from all this Ah Tiger King phenomenon as kind of just this gay icon I've seen thrown, thrown around and in the last coming last few weeks and everything and the praise stops with him being fierce, fearlessly open about his sexuality. There's no riel redeeming qualities of job about Joe exotic. Um, and I think the further we get away from the documentary and how entertaining it was, it's important to state that, like he's not a gay icon and he shouldn't be elevated as such. He's definitely narcissistic. He took advantage of down and out people. I mean, one of his queer employees literally got their arm bitten smoove off by a tiger, and all the cameras could pick up with him. Saying is like, How am I going to financially recover? He gave his employees and expired meat shitty wages and in living conditions, um, and may or may not be tarred targeting his lovers who have addiction issues. So Joe is entertaining his fuck flashiest book fearlessly out and entertaining. But that is it. There's no redeeming qualities about this man. Don't problem out up as such. And yeah, like I just wanted Teoh. I really identified with that article because I was like, all right, like, it's now hit kind of a fever. Ah, point with just this Joey exotic love and everything. And I was like, I mean, there was nothing really, actually lovely about Joe exotic. We just love him because he was out and, you know, lived a, um very, very. I don't even know how to describe it. I think it's just really we like that. He is just fearlessly out honestly, you know, and all the other things that made him entertaining. We're just like you could take it or leave it. But don't prop this man up as a gay icon, he is not a gay. I gone at all. So not even

spk_0:   12:41
a little bit. I mean, it's like, great to have so many people watching someone who is so outwardly queer and outwardly Polly. But at the same time, it's also like, Do not put the entire queer community into this category of hillbilly Mary. Whoever I want, love, whoever do this, did it. Ah, while you also are like side hustling tigers and all these other things like, No, that is a single story. A once in this lifetime crazy ass story

spk_1:   13:16
and no, he's not are there are plenty other people who were actual icons and please look at them. Yeah, exactly. I mean, he's no one's actual hero like, let's let's not get caught up in all this hysteria, like it's always good to see some representation. But, you know, that's the thing, though. Shannon, that's interesting to me. It's almost like we're excited that he's out. But we're almost excited that, like the breeders, accept him, too, because like that well, or that it's not a thing that he's gay to. Readers like they just, you know, they love him for his personality and stuff like that. So ultimately it kind of goes back to our community being like, Oh, this guy's awesome because he's just living his life and free and out there whatever. You could have a different opinion about him, but all of those things don't counteract that. He's a shitty guy, but he is a shitty guy like it's there's no way around it. So he's not a gay icon. He's not someone we should prop up. And yeah, that's how I feel about it. It's wholly support that you know Sheena. Anything else? Yeah. My final story. We are celebrating not one, but two celebrities have

spk_0:   14:28
come out this week, which is very exciting. So the 1st 1 hopefully I'm gonna probably pronounce this wrong. But Ali

spk_1:   14:36
e Crow follow who plays marijuana? Recent came out as bisexual, and Rebecca Black. You know, if I eat a Zaidi, we don't have the right. So I'm not saying it. Um also came out as queer. So Ali e. She

spk_0:   14:52
came out in the ways that the new generation is going to. She created a video on Tic Tac of her mouth thing, some Eminem lyrics where she emphasized the she said parts of the lyrics. Where is this? Seriously, though, jokes aside, How you doing you straight? She said, No, I'm by. She's so you drunk She said, No, I'm high. I'm checking out the chicks, she said. So my and then came back and was literally like, Yes, I am by That's what it is. And Boston people are judging the fact that is awesome in Eminem leering. It's like

spk_1:   15:22
I was just thinking, really just like Oh my okay, like of all the things you know, But she came out as by using M and M, and it's like, Hey, you're comfortable sharing it, sharing in the way that you want Girl. And then Rebecca Black. She spoke

spk_0:   15:39
out on her queerness after just making a general statement on the dating straight podcasts. So she told the co hosts about how she had recently gone through a break up

spk_1:   15:49
with a woman on. That was a simple as it was.

spk_0:   15:52
And then she was like It wasn't she. Hold on. I'm gonna get the direct quote. Let me pull that up. She's a break up with a woman leading her to come out publicly is queer. She said I made a conscious decision to not like, come out. People started

spk_1:   16:05
asking. I stopped

spk_0:   16:06
responding. She feels like she still in the process. But every day is different. But she knows that to her. The word

spk_1:   16:13
queer feels nice. Well, hey, look. Welcome, Fam. Welcome, Fam. Look to the Rainbow Squad. Yes. Welcome to the Rainbow Squads. Yes. See, these are

spk_0:   16:24
people that you can look at as potential future gay icons. Not Joe Black. Not jobs

spk_1:   16:28
on a high said Joe Black on. I thought you said for a second Joe Biden and I was just like, no, not, you know, look. Well, welcome to the family. Welcome to the fan. Yes, Perfect. All right, cool. All right, so let's get into our bad queers advice segment. Am I a bad queer. Send all of your questions Too bad. Queers pod at gmail dot com to be featured. This is the segment our advice segment that ranges all topics from the queer experience on And I'm gonna get right to the 1st 1 This is from Shan tell. She asked, Am I a bad queer if I don't know every letter of the LGBT Q. I BCD alphabet. I am a CIS woman in my early forties, and I just feel like I cannot keep up with all the terms. My kids call me out being insensitive when I talk about it, but I am just very used to a smaller alphabet and feel that I am still open and accepting regardless of my knowledge of the whole alphabet. Do I really need to start studying or will I be fine treating people as people, which has always been my motto? Shanteau. Well, thank you for that. I think that's one that is, Ah, super important to talk about as a community. Listen, I I understand and sympathize. There are new identities and letters added to LGBT, which it was when I was growing up and then at the Q. And then you know other things. Which is it's fine. Um, language evolves, so it's I want to feel bad for not knowing right now, but I would say Shantel to or Shantel Teoh at least learn and to get with, like, keep up on the terminology like it. Really. We make it a bigger deal as humans about language change, language changes all the time. I'm not where I need to be, Ah, with being up on things. But you know, I have made a decision, and I do think it's important to try to evolve to that point where I'm able Teoh correctly either identify or, I guess just understand that it is if it's import. If it's someone's identity and this is how they want to be addressed or want to be recognized, it costs me nothing to learn that, like is, you know, language again changes all the time, and this is just what it is like. You could still have your say motto of, you know, treating people as people, and part of that is having enough respect. Teoh lo, learn and keep up on times, you know, it's it just is what it is like it's no excuse that you're in your forties and you didn't grow up with that. So therefore, you shouldn't have to learn the new terms. That's not an excuse. Like, humans should always be in a state of evolving and learning and being empathetic. And yeah, I just feel like that's something where it's just like, yes, learn on your own terms. You don't have to feel bad about not knowing. But you are a bad queer if you are just closed off learning and just being kind of updated to new terminology like it's not that hard, like it just really is it? So, yeah, you're not a bad queer for not knowing currently, but you are bad queer if you don't want to learn or, um, get abreast of, like, all the new terms. So what do you think she and I

spk_0:   20:20
100% agree with that? I think a lot of times Excuse me, um, and older people as well not to say that your old forties a great doing things, but once we get into a pattern of things that we already know and are comfortable with, people really like to stay in that comfort zone rather than evolving and growing and getting more knowledge so I would encourage you to start like again. Some people do expect us to at the drop of a hat. Just be able to list every single identity off of the LGBTQ plus alphabet. And I

spk_1:   20:57
will say, unless you're studying that every day, you're not gonna have it memorized. But you can take

spk_0:   21:03
the time to learn some new terminology and new things that you don't know in life.

spk_1:   21:08
You said that your

spk_0:   21:08
kids are calling you insensitive about it. Maybe take that as an opportunity to work with them and here the things that they are discussing or what's popular with them. Or make it a bonding thing where they bring you terms and you get to learn it and talk about it. And that could be, ah, home activity as well as the knowledge growing activity, which would be super fun and also great for both of you. Moving forward. Listen to some podcasts like you've already written out to us. But listen to other career podcast who are talking about this space. Look up LGBTQ plus centers who have pages of identities and things and or hop on YouTube in here, people stories you don't have to be, you know, back in college, perfect level on getting this grade for the alphabet. But you do want to be able to kind of step outside of that bubble. So while yes, you can still treat people, is people, some people really find that their label and their identity is very important to them, and other people are finding it very fluid and are saying, Don't put them in a box. That's why we created bad queers. So find that flow. Don't be afraid to step outside of that box and learn a few new things for yourself, but I don't think you need to know every letter. But I think you need to be in the know of different ways that the LGBTQ plus community is progressing and what that looks like.

spk_1:   22:25
Yeah, and you know, it's also interesting. Another point I do want to bring that is a talking point is, uh, with her kids being calling her out as being insensitive. I I wonder, are they calling her out for being insensitive because she's been openly dismissive of learning more what does happen in our community, which is like, That's a whole segment in itself. It's like we're pretty. It's important, but we're also some of us. Not all of us can be pretty pushy about learning. Or maybe if they don't know, like it being such a bad thing where it's just like, how could you not know and write things where some of us do kind of ran that down? Um, people's Ertz and more likely than it is breeders were without to breeders what we do that with our own community to you. Like Like, how could you not know this Or, um, why don't you respect this terminology? And while there should be, we should push people to be better and to evolve and to learn. Do not push people so hard, because then the message is lost, and then they're not gonna want to learn, because it's just like like, it's just it leaves a bad taste in your mouth when somebody's like you should know this because I know this and like her, her kids are growing up in this where this is just This is life, like first up, you know, we grew up I'm 31. So I grew up with computers and the the start of the Internet. But I do know life before the Internet, and I know you know, a lot of times we'll know all the time. If you wanted to get knowledge about something, you actually had to go to a library and you actually have to go researching and do it. Where is like these kids are just They could watch tic tac and learn, You know what I mean? There is at their fingertips. So it's it comes a little bit easier for them. They have grown up in a really fluid world in time, and the patients isn't there. I think we also while we push people to evolve, we have to have patience for people and then also make it rewarding and a soft place in a safe place for them to learn for them to ask questions for them, to you, for their progress to be not linear, you know, they might They might take a step back, you know, before they go forward. But, um, yeah, I just hope on the other side of that, I don't know if they're calling Chantal insensitive because she's dismissive or because they lack the patients for her, because, I mean, it's just it's told is a generational thing. It is age thing. So I just think in general, we also have to be mindful of how pushy we are with people, you know. So, yeah. Good call. You're not back. We're

spk_0:   25:11
right. I mean, I hope to see Oh, you like my take it back. Are next scenarios from Amber says a my about queer. If I don't tell my friend that she is in a toxic relationship recently she

spk_1:   25:27
got in this

spk_0:   25:27
relationship all in. I've never seen this from her. She even recently cancelled a trip with our group of friends that we have been planning four months. Yeah, that was that. She was right all in. Ah, she seems to be firmly controlled by this girl to the point that she has those lips under her control and not the ones on

spk_1:   25:44
her fish. Hey, how can I get my message

spk_0:   25:49
across? Or do I have to wait for her to get her heart broken number? Well,

spk_1:   25:58
well, you know, look. Okay. So first things

spk_0:   26:05
first. Controlling and seeing this, you know, actually the path I was gonna go down. It's not what I want to go down. So

spk_1:   26:13
if your friend is in a toxic relationship,

spk_0:   26:15
but in all other regards is not an abusive relationship, then, like as long as it's not an abusive relationship. Cool. So I just want to get that clear out there, because not it's like there's so much we can do to help our friends who are in those scenarios, but it doesn't sound like that. It just sounds like she's one of those that, like, tasted the rainbow and said, Yeah, I'm going this way and left everybody else behind. Ah, that does seem like a big move. Teoh have dropped out of the trip. I wonder if I had anything to do with, said Girlfriend. If the come from wasn't invited, if it was just like a friend's trip, and at that point, it's

spk_1:   26:50
kind of like you can let your friend know what's happening and what you've noticed and gone through. But at the end of the day, your friend is gonna have to make that decision, and you might just have to let her get her heart broken like it might have to happen happens to assault. Oh man, it's

spk_0:   27:04
like you hate to see, especially in queer relationships, because that's kind of what happens. It's like we start to date and then they like, disappear. And then six months later, once they've broken up, they come back to life and you're like

spk_1:   27:13
Who you look familiar? Did I know you at one point? Like you know? And that's one of those things.

spk_0:   27:20
I think also being ableto point out like I wouldn't spend a ton of your energy trying to

spk_1:   27:29
pull her out of this toxic relationship.

spk_0:   27:30
I mean, sit down, have the good friend talk and be like,

spk_1:   27:33
Hey, I've noticed

spk_0:   27:33
this, but don't sit down in like an attacking manner because that will automatically shut down and defend it. Just go in and being like I've noticed, we miss you here. The things that are happening, we'd love to have you back and be a part of it. But if

spk_1:   27:45
she's not open to that, then you continue about

spk_0:   27:47
your life with your friend group, doing your things posted on Instagram, showing what she's missing and be like. That's what it is. But there is no point in kind of getting invested in saving your friend from this thing, cause a lot of times, you know, for adults I don't know how old your friend is, but when we're adults in this situation, sometimes you do just have to let them get her heart broken. But if she does end up getting her heart broken, she comes back to you also have to be the friend that does not push it in her face. When she does come back, you have to be able to be there and be supportive and then be like, All right, we're making this new path moving forward, and that's what we're doing. So

spk_1:   28:26
I say you're not a bad queer

spk_0:   28:29
because sometimes we just got to let our friends go and do those things.

spk_1:   28:32
Chris, what do you think? Yeah, Amber, you're not a bad queer. Um, this is not even specific to just our queer community. This is in general. You can't expect people to take your advice like you just can't like she just needs to your friends. Sounds like she just needs to get her heart broken. And that's fine. That's, you know, that's the facts of life. That's just what has to happen. And you just need to be that good friend there that's there when it does fall apart. If it does fall apart. You know, um, you should always speak your piece of how you feel. Ashamed. I mention it shouldn't be aggressive or anything like that. Just let let your friend know where you stand with the whole thing, but, I mean, you know that that's her life. Um, your friend has to go through this. We've all been through a bad breakup. We've all been in relationships that of, like, cause us to self isolate with that person or just kind of disappear from friends and everything, cause you know, your time is consumed by your partner or your new significant other. But that's just that's life. That's love. That's that is just a part of everything you know, that comes with being in a relationship. So you are on the outside of this. You don't know the ins and outs of all of their relationships may be your friends doing some fucking function that ah, you know, causes her girl to be controlling, You know, um, there's two sides to There's actually three sides to every story. Obviously where, uh, person, one person to in the truth. So I want to get too wrapped up in your friend's relationship. Just be a friend to your friend, that's all. You could dio again express your opinions about how you feel about it. But, I mean, that's all you could really do, Amber. And no, you're not a bad quarter for ah, not telling your friend that they're in a toxic relationship in it is gonna be later. Once they come out of this is gonna be fun to laugh about. Like, man, you, your your ex had firm control of your lips and again, not the ones on your on the place. So it's gonna be funny to laugh about later. You know, hopefully there isn't any physical or mental or emotional abuse going on in this relationship, but outside of that, you gotta let it run its course and your friend fall on their face and get their heart broken. If if it's needed, it has to be done. Just has to be done. Done. Oh,

spk_0:   30:58
thank you for writing in amber.

spk_1:   31:00
Thanks, Amber. That's a good one. I mean, that comes up a lot too, because it's just like, you know, it's probably gonna crash and burn. And you want to save your friend, but you can't. My kids he has They have to go through this, so yeah, yeah, hope all hope all is well there Amber are less. Am I a bad career? Quick question comes from anonymous. So we will call anonymous. Um, Mary. All right, Mary, we're gonna go classic Mary. Yep. Am I a bad queer? This quarantine is varying. Any confidence I have had while dating my friends have said that I should be able to step outside of my comfort zone because the pressure of meeting in person isn't a factor. But sitting at home and swiping endlessly doesn't give me any excitement to look forward, Teoh, and meet new people and I'm back Were for settling when I could be more productive. Mary, Mary, No, you're fine. You're not a bad queer because you don't want to date online like, especially now. Especially now, you know. Listen, this quarantine is unprecedented. There's gonna be a lot of fallout from this emotionally and mentally for a lot of us that were not even dealing with right now, However, if you know you don't get excited by staring at somebody on your phone or your laptop or any other electronic device today, then there's nothing wrong with that. There's no settling when I could be more productive. It's online dating. You're either gonna want to do it or not like you will probably have to wait a while because we don't know what you know. This ah, post queer and team world looks like or when they're gonna start rolling out. Um, you know, social gatherings that have probably more than 10 people. But you know, if if if online dating is not your thing, it's just not your thing. You don't have to be, ah, productive and your friends saying that you should step outside your comfort zone. Now that is true. I think that every human should try and step outside their comfort zone. Ah, and maybe you are looking at this online dating in a negative way that doesn't even allow you to, like be open to what it could be. But if you know in your heart of hearts that you could give a fuck less about dating online, just don't just don't like, don't waste anybody sign. Because ultimately you would be wasting someone's time. Don't like, make yourself do this. Waste some poor girl time and then you know it. It turned to nothing. And then you kind of, you know, you get that bad juju in karma, you know, fucking around with somebody. Sign and feeling. So, yeah, Mary, you're fine. You're not about queer for not wanting toe online date or you're not. You're not being even productive. Being tied to this is like that. That's just old, like now you're setting yourself up for failure. You don't have to. Well, for this, but that's

spk_0:   34:03
general productivity as well. Like people are expecting people who are at home right now during this quarantine to get a shit ton done, which it's like

spk_1:   34:16
there are some people who are

spk_0:   34:17
going to be at home and thrive in this situation and get a ton of stuff done. And take this as a moment of opportunity for them to actually have to be forced to sit still and try something new and put themselves out there in a different space where they could go and put it out there and then retract it because it's not affecting them in person. And then go put it out somewhere else and retract

spk_1:   34:37
it. If you're not into it. Like I feel like there

spk_0:   34:40
are waves of when you wanna online date hand. Few months you'd be like, Yes, let me swipe them. Go on these dates And then there's another few months for your light. Now I actually hate people, and I really don't even wanna do with you or be a part of your life like no So that

spk_1:   34:55
can also happen online. I would say, if you're not ready to put yourself out

spk_0:   34:59
there, I mean, it's just gonna be a waste of time for you and the person that you decide to actually talk to him. And that's not going to help any of your self confidence right now that you're going through. So

spk_1:   35:09
I would say, if you do like, I agree with Chris,

spk_0:   35:12
like, always take the chance to step outside of your comfort zone. But if that just means tuning in to all of these online events that are happening and take the chance to put your face up rather than hiding behind, like your screen and just having your name up. Or if that means sending in a question like this one, that's thus big. Like you went in steps outside of your comfort zone probably to do this and asked to strangers on a podcast to give you their feedback about this. Uh, that's a win like put that in a win in your book. But on the flip side,

spk_1:   35:43
some people just don't function like that and we are in a pandemic and just fucking stressful. And we're getting news from an orange dude that doesn't know

spk_0:   35:50
what's happening. And other people are just making up words and doing stuff. So if your stress and you just are in this moment of like, you know what, I'm just going to do better for me and self care and watch simple TV all day or play video games and do whatever. If

spk_1:   36:02
that's what you need right now, then do that. But you're not a bad queer for just settling. Okay, you can have

spk_0:   36:09
a day where you're productive and then do a bunch of other things that you could have no days, and that's okay. You just have to allow yourself to be OK. with that. If you need some motivation for steps, look up some of these articles. Check out things when you are ready to start dating again and you can feel like, Hey, this is the new thing that I want to try. And it doesn't mean that when you want to try something outside of your comfort zone that you have to jump all the way in the deep end of the

spk_1:   36:30
pool, you could dip your toe in, try something new that you've never done before and go from there. But that's it. You're not a bad queer

spk_0:   36:36
for not having to put yourself out there. And if

spk_1:   36:38
your consent with your happy single life right now be consigned, girl, you don't need to

spk_0:   36:42
be finding relationships of seven, right? Feels like you got a force it like No chill. Love you do. You don't feel pressured into having to be more productive because that's on your level and what you want to do right now.

spk_1:   36:54
Agreed? Yeah, Mary. Yeah. You're fine. Married. You're not where you go, girl. You're good girl. Yes, you go ahead, marry. Okay. So time for our bad queer opinions does what type of course would

spk_0:   37:09
be if we didn't have unpopular queer opinions. The whole reason we created this podcast was so that we could point out the stuff that everybody thinks we should all have the same mindset on. But then they wouldn't be opinions. So I know Chris's Oh, I'm so excited for this one. And I'm a let you start.

spk_1:   37:28
Yeah, this is probably super bad queer opinion, but it's mine. It is my opinion. It is great, though. No, is my my little opinion Flaming row. I'm not sure if, uh, he has a familiar with flaming Row, but she is a trans comedian. That was on Tiffany had ish is Netflix special for other she Ready is the name of the comedy series, where she just showcases some of her her friends in comedy and giving him the platform to perform that routine. So Flame is actually very funny. Trans women. It was all good, Flame went on the breakfast club,

spk_0:   38:13
which is always held. The best and more stories start

spk_1:   38:16
exactly, and you know that's another popular queer opinion, because I I love the Breakfast Club that it definitely has some horrible Quinn g moments for sure but also a necessary evil. And that is kind of where my point is with Flaming Row Flame was on the breakfast club. This is It's been a while now, but, um, the feelings are still there. Essentially went on the breakfast club and confirmed all of the breeder biases by saying, Trans women aren't women. She doesn't consider herself a natural woman. Is with, she says, um, and also said that queer people are force feeding their lifestyle to breeders. You know all of these things to just make your skin crawl. Just saying it. Lifestyle force feed. Oh, this other stuff right, however, and this is my unpopular queer opinion. Bad queer opinion Plane is just a necessary evil. We gotta have space for others in our community that have had different experiences as flame has who is a African American male or a sign, a sign of birth as a male who grew up in a different time? Um, who is a little bit older who doesn't have some of the same feelings that other queer people, especially younger queer people have now. But I'm partial to comedians. I think I'm a Dave Chappelle Ban and I know that also, you know, with the Trans community, they've been picked on more often than not by Dave Chappelle and all that. But I do think medians hold a special place in our society and to Dave's point that they're able to have really conversations or just even start dialogue between people. And while flames comments were so cringeworthy and it sets us back in some cases, I can't I can't highlight enough bet. We still need some people that could communicate two other to the other side of people who do hate us who don't have any love at all for anybody queer because conversely, even though yes, she's confirming their bias is there's also a lot of people. They're like, Wow, like I they don't either either feel comfortable with the the, uh, queer representation that has been out And like there, I guess, stances on topics. Or they're just uncomfortable with, like, even just broaching some issues because they will get their head bitten off, you know, isn't it? Isn't It's not the irony there is that she did all this on the Breakfast Club, which is known for, obviously is kind of mentioned having these moments that are cringeworthy for our queer community. However, in the same way that I if flame a pass, I give breakfast club of past because they'll also put content in people on that our that are in our community that are helpful voices and everything. But we're gonna need some people who are engage er's and who will probably be able to talk to the breeder community, especially, um poc community persons of color because it's very difficult for us. Still, we're gonna need communicators. So, like, while flame has done some damage, I think that she does have the ear of a community that would otherwise not pay a lick of attention to what we're saying, right? Right. And you got to give blame that station week to give everybody space within our community to have differing opinions. Caitlyn Jenner, my God, like you know, if on Lee who she had listened to us early on before having her realization, I don't know how long it wasn't. It was like months ago that, like Trump was a shit head and was going to do all the things we told her he was going to do. But you can't you know you can't convince people or they have to see it for themselves. So I think Flame might see that to where it's just like Flame grew up in a certain city and neighbourhood and under certain social norms that I identify with because I am in the black community and there are things that don't because our community is tough. It doesn't ruffle my feathers like it does other people, but their their opinions are valid to. And if their opinion opinions can reach people who would again otherwise not listen to us, then we have to at least applaud that and just see the value in that. Because I do think that bluntly and could be a good communicator in a voice to people because, you know, outside of these comments, she's highly entertaining. You know, I know there's a lot of hate that she's been getting. She actually had a follow up breakfast club interview about our month or two back, and she was saying how she's getting death threats and hate from our community. So we're going to get mad at her for you know, her. You know, her views her personal views again, which are her opinions. It We're gonna mere oppressor like behavior and say we're gonna kill this girl and just call her out of her name. Why are we even? But we're not better than the breeder community. We're just not like we could disagree without, you know, just trashing this, you know, Flame, you know, So if we can't recognize that we have that, that's why maybe some people are turned off even have discussions with us because we're soaker and we eat our own, Then we're never gonna get anywhere, you know? And that's just kind of that's that. Like again, I don't agree with a lot of the things F play, Monroe said on the breakfast club, or just ideals and opinions that she has. However, I think she's a necessary evil. I think comedians have a highly effective way of communicating, um, to people, and we should use that. So that's my my bad queer opinion. I love it. Is this honestly

spk_0:   44:24
true? It's like we go into this world and I feel like now because cancel culture is so strong, it takes away from the opportunity of having different types of conversations like this could go in and agree or disagree with anything that is said. But it's true, like the things that she goes on and says fit into a certain mold of certain generation of things, like I'm not gonna change. I'm not going to this American Whatever. You have experience that especially in life, if you're still, if you're lucky enough to still have your grandparent's in your life and do these things and you go in and try to explain anything, that's a whole new world of stuff unless you have some really gangster grand parents that are, you know, on top of it here with the technology, reading these different things. But if we continue to throw death threats and acts that way, I love that sentence that you said with mirroring oppressor behavior like That's That's a fact. And we're better than that, like we can go on and she can say X and I can say why and we could not come to an agreement, but we can have a conversation about it. Friend see where things are, and it's kind of going in to that play, and that's that's what my bad queer opinion is leading. It's that seamless transition. Thank

spk_1:   45:37
you. That sick quick. We mind. I know people who don't like the X

spk_0:   45:44
is in words. I feel like I need to get with the program, so I e. You know, you spell women W O M a n but or human h u m a n. We have recently been replacing it with excess or replacing the A with an X. And this

spk_1:   46:00
is a

spk_0:   46:00
way to be more inclusive and show that there are different definitions of being a woman and being human and things like that.

spk_1:   46:07
I am here four ways moving forward, Teoh include more people

spk_0:   46:14
and more understanding and more that there's not just one way to be X, and that's how that fits in the X for me. But you see it going on with parties. You're seeing it with brands. Um, I know like

spk_1:   46:28
her uses it.

spk_0:   46:30
I know there's this four women page and it's spelled. Wasn't X there people who are throwing parties and the title it for women, and it's It's a way to include, and I think people see it more as a weight. Like some people see it as a way to exclude more people, and then they go back and make the argument like, Well, why does it men have an X in it? And the whole point is to show that it's not an offset of men being first all the time. It's like you have man and they have woman, and it's like we're offset of this. And so it's showing that the X is almost like are defiant seeing moving forward. And I love it personally. I've gotten in many debates about this with people, and it's one of those things where if you take the time to learn about where the original thoughts around this word, that you can have that thought. And if you

spk_1:   47:20
disagree, guess what? Just don't use it. It's fine, like, just don't use it. It's not that hard. It's not that hard. Like people just sitting they have

spk_0:   47:28
to is Ah, this again cancer culture. You jump into something and you're like,

spk_1:   47:32
Oh, my God. But if I disagree, I'm gonna continue to troll you

spk_0:   47:35
and then threaten you and say all of these things when it used to just be Oh,

spk_1:   47:38
you disagree? Okay, well, don't use.

spk_0:   47:40
Then you hear like, yeah, Good boy, I won't use it. And then if I see how it evolves and I might change my mind later, cool. But that doesn't mean that you have to hold on to the fact that they said something about it that many years ago, if it was a discussion where you could say, Hey, at this time, I disagree. But now that I've seen it evolved, I'm making a comeback and I'm changing my mind like joys of our brains. You learned about more things. You can change your mind about the things that are happening. And I think the more that women and human and things are used with an X, the more that people are going to have conversations about this and show the different definitions of being a woman and what beckon looks like. And it's not just a bunch of, you know, chromosome body part focuses. It is who you are as a person and how you're living your life. And that's kind of where that goes into, like with Flame and rode slowly. She is so unapologetically about the stuff that she's talking about, and while some of it I do disagree with and I stop. And I'm like, uh, please don't say that. Our I disagree with this and Oh, that gives me kind of cringeworthy. There are

spk_1:   48:37
other things where I'm like that is hilarious. And that is this and not whatever, like Save your grand parents said the one

spk_0:   48:43
thing that was totally opposite of how you felt about things. You can't cancel your grand parents. You could not talk to them if he becomes hurtful and abusive and whatever else. But if you don't take the time to talk to that person that you love and teach them something because they're just speaking out of what they're used to, then you're never gonna open that up. I've had multiple conversations with family members to try and open them up, and sometimes they're stuck in their ways. And I'm just like, Well, that's a conversation for another day or we'll get there. We'll come back to it. But it doesn't mean that I have to sit and be like, No, I need to get them to believe this thing because I'm a person and I havent believes there person. They have their own beliefs, and that's the joy of this world and all of the things that we can be a part of. So if

spk_1:   49:25
you don't like the X, don't use it. And they had, like, Crystal, you know, and just it does kind of go back to blaming the road thing where it's just like, this is this does fall under kind of like shoving something down or force feeding someone? Um, something there a change where it's just like you don't need to have an argument because you're right. We're right with this. X were right with that. Like if if a person isn't ready to use that or doesn't understand why it's being used or just once a troll or be contrarian about it, let them like you don't even have to have argument about it cause like, if you're going to use it in the people that you're able to reach that, understand, and they're going to use it, that's all that matters. Like, people just have to go around, come around at some point on their own. But you don't have to be there for that, like you just really don't do that, Okay? Like, agree to disagree. Like, for example, I'm not gonna we want toe. Keep arguing with breeders about, like why we should have marriage, because it's like we should period point blank, like I wouldn't I'm not having that argument anymore because I know, I know I'm right with that. And I know it's the right for us to have, right. But if you're interacting with somebody or you just feel the need to change somebody's mind and you just like you, you get aggressive about, like wanting that person to change their mind in that moment, it's just energy dream like you don't need to. You know, marriage should have been for us and and also we're probably going to increase or improve the average four breeders, you know, they're at 50% like they're literally toss a coin and may or may not stay married. You know what I mean? Adding us to it. I'm sure that the percentage will probably rise this far is like, or I just dropped as far as like, you know, divorces. But again, you don't have to convince people of these things like we're on the right side of history. With this, we will continue to evolve. Some people would be left behind and That's kind of just it. Like, don't waste your energy. You don't waste your energy on trying to convince people of some of these things. Some of them literally want to be contrary. Um, some of them don't even care for real. They just want to argue about this. And it's just not worth your time, because we're right about this. Like, we are, like, Okay, like it really? I think we've for gotten as like as humans how to agree to disagree and, like, just move on, Mike. It's just like cool, all right? You don't use that. My I have family members that didn't come to my wedding, who swear up and down that they love me and all this other stuff. But, you know, for religious reasons, they didn't want to actually be at that ceremony. That's cool. I'm not going to convince them to come. I'm not gonna do any of that stuff is just like cool, do you? And it was such a good release because then you know where you stand and with people, too, because I want to talk to those family members anymore. But, hey, you're like, OK, don't go like first off. That's less people to pay for for the recession. But yeah, like I'm not going to convince you of anything or this being whatever, like believe what you want to believe. I know I'm right. I'm fine. Me and God, our homies like that time like that's all, like, just Yeah, it's okay for people to not always come around when you want them to, because we're right with this. So that was a good win. Shaner. Thank you. Yes, all right. Transitioning into our final section before we're out. So let's get some shout outs. My shot out this week to

spk_0:   53:01
our faves I'm shutting out Lori Lightfoot, the first out lesbian mayor of Chicago, for literally driving around and making sure that people are actively social distancing during the square insane. She's in the north side, she's in the south side. She was

spk_1:   53:14
all over the place, given people who looked at your

spk_0:   53:16
mom did when you grew up and you knew you were in trouble and is just making sure that her city is staying safe during this time and that people are actually following the instructions so that we can actually hit a curve and not continue this months down the line. We want to get the solutions out and shot. That's a lawyer life of for being the mayor that the people need like Gobi active Gobi in your community, having community see your face at a social distance and make sure that the message just passed a law. So

spk_1:   53:45
go ahead, girl, do your thing. Yeah, and for ah ah wickedly good beam that speak. What was thea jump shot mean? That she, uh, put out there? It

spk_0:   53:55
was so funny. Oh, my gosh, I want hold on. We could do this because I'm pulling it up now, is there? So it's so good, Especially her face when she does it is the best.

spk_1:   54:08
Oh, it is so good money. All right, where is it? This might be it. No, it's not. Anyways, the gist of it because I can't pull it up right now is basically your jump shot is always going to be trash. I'll just stay inside like just stay inside that jump shot your ideals of going pro or whatever. Stay your ass inside Like don't know what s inside your ass. Side inside, Like don't like that jump shot is gonna be trashed forever. Like, just don't try and improve it now. So she's really funny. It is good to see any queer mayor of any major city, but ah, yeah, Shout out to Lori Lightfoot. That

spk_0:   54:56
was a great one, champ, huh? Yep, she did. I actually have found one of the quote, uh, where she was talking about how ah, the balance of humor and also protecting her town has been the balance says she's been wanting to find. And she's like, You know, we've acted out a few in her neighborhood, and she's like, she appreciates the creativity of the community. And, yeah, I found that I found the mean that you wanted and said, We're literally has a photo of her with her hands up. That's like your jump shot is always gonna be week. Stay out of the park, go home like we don't have time for you and doing these things. So shout out to her for being the mayor and the leader that people need right now. So go

spk_1:   55:39
her. Great. Oh, so great. So my shout out this week goes to modern family who just celebrated their family final season after 11 seasons. First season was in 2009 but I just wanted to shout them about. Ah, the ABC comedy featured a normal and hilarious gay couple, Mitchell and Cameron, who have been a guiding light for light. Excuse me for queer representation during the 11th 11 seasons. The show was just too good to hate, and them as a couple, like just I can't think of a lot of other queer couples. Uh, that weren't so dysfunctional. Obviously, they have funny dysfunction and just they were a modern family. But it wasn't such a big thing that they were a gay couple. Of course they played to it. But I can't tell you how many people breeders that I know just absolutely adored their storyline and just their characters and antics. So the show again was too good to hate and just wanted to shout out modern family for, um, just yes, amazing queer representation for these last 11 seasons. So shout out to ABC and shout out to them, We'll miss you. We'll watch all the reruns inspired. Probably a lot of great, you know, queer content and all that. So, you know, again, these these these are These things are important. There there. Certainly important. So yeah, absolutely. All right, all that's it for about queers this week. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Take care, but